Almost an Aspie
by MarvelGeek
Summary: "James 'Jimmy' Palmer was different. Not a bad kind of different, though. Even though others would tell him that he was. He'd had many words thrown at him over the years, 'weird', 'stupid', 'crazy', and 'retarded' to name a few. But the words that scared him the most were 'High-functioning autism', because those words always rang true."
1. Chapter 1

James 'Jimmy' Palmer was different. Not a bad kind of different, though. Even though others would tell him that he was. He'd had many words thrown at him over the years, 'weird', 'stupid', 'crazy', and 'retarded' to name a few. But the words that scared him the most were 'High-functioning autism', because those words rang true.

Jimmy Palmer had been five years old when they told his parents that he was autistic. But Jimmy wasn't stereotypical, they told his parents and older brother that in some ways he was like a child with Aspergers but in other ways he was more challenged. So they stuck him with a label of severe Aspergers and sent him on his way. They discovered two months later that Jimmy was a wanderer. He would suddenly slip away from whoever was watching and would wander towards danger, whether it be from a body of water or incoming traffic, in an almost trancelike state. But when you grabbed him and stopped him, he would awaken and not understand how he got there. It terrified his family to no end.

Somedays they would find him half-waded into the lake near their home. Luckily, by the time he reached the age of fifteen his wandering episodes had become few and far in-between. But he still had some issues, like yellow foods, he would never eat anything yellow, he would even touching something yellow if he could. They had learned early on that enough yellow at one time could send him into a Meltdown. Jimmy's Meltdowns would very in severity, he didn't have mild Meltdowns very often and severe Meltdowns almost never.

Jimmy's mild Meltdowns just consisted of him being usually moody, but the severe Meltdowns would reduce him to a screaming, crying mess. Jimmy's father or brother, Clark, would usually have to carry Jimmy back to his room after a severe Meltdown left him mentally and physically exhausted.

It was Clark who discovered Jimmy's 'special ability'. Medicine and science. Clark had been struggling with his eleventh grade Science homework when eleven year old, Jimmy came over and swiped it from him, filling in all the questions before handing it back. Clark checked them against the book and realized that they were right. After that day, Clark would always bring Jimmy, High school science textbooks and Jimmy would always thank him brightly and hug him around the waist tightly. That made everything worth it to Clark.

Most people never noticed that Jimmy was autistic, he was smart, very verbal ( using words even adults could barely understand) and always smiling. But there were always moments that would give it away, like his odd irrelevant statements and the way he would sometimes close his eyes and rock back on his heels, or watch a pen spin in his fingers for hours and hours. But most of the time they just thought Jimmy was weird or had bad parents. Autism never came up.

Clark hated the 'stares', the way people would send nasty looks at his little brother when he was stimming with his pen or rocking back and forth on his heels. They thought his Jimmy was just stupid or special needs. His little Jimmy was just as normal as anybody else, even smarter! But sometimes he just felt like looking at those people and snarling. 'Leave him alone, Normal is boring!'

Yet, Clark could deal. He always did. Jimmy knew that he was loved, Jimmy was happy. So Clark never minded. Until the day, his twelve year old little brother came home with a black eye and a split lip. What was worse was that Jimmy wouldn't tell him who did it. Clark sat his brother in a chair and began to clean his face when he asked, but Jimmy avoided the question or flat out refused to tell. But Clark wouldn't stop pushing and Jimmy whimpered out in a tiny, broken sounding voice.

"What does it mean when someone puts a mean note in your locker? Did I do something wrong Clark? You'd tell me, right?"

Jimmy had whimpered softly and Clark froze. He just nodded, numbly at his little brother, still in shock. The preteen just kept talking though and it made Clark's heart tighten painfully in his chest.

"They just kept pushing me down and kicking me. I tried to apologize but they wouldn't listen to me!"

Tears filled Jimmy's eyes and Clark lunged forwards to wrap his baby brother in a tight hug. He pressed the boy's face into his chest and just let him cry. Finally, Clark pulled the boy away from him and forced Jimmy to look him in the eyes, he pushed the boy's wire-rimmed glasses up his nose as well.

"James Daniel Palmer, there is nothing wrong with you. Never believe what they say because it isn't true and never will be."

Clark ordered and Jimmy just nodded into his brother's shirt. But the preteen never did tell who it was who did that to him. His lips were sealed, no matter how hard Clark pressed for an answer and eventually he let the subject drop. Clark could deal, yes, he could deal. Except when it came to the severe Meltdowns, he couldn't deal with those. But he always had his parents to help with Jimmy when those came, they always knew exactly how to calm him down or how to ride it out.

But then there was a car accident when Jimmy was sixteen and Clark was in his early twenties. Clark had been at work and Jimmy was at an FDA meeting (Future Doctors of America). So both of them were the last to know, Jimmy was just frozen as they got the news, until two days later, when it finally set in and Jimmy exploded. Their parents were gone.

It started out small but it soon blossomed into screaming, keening, crying and ripping at his clothes. Clark had no idea what to do, but when Jimmy grabbed a knife, Clark basically tackled him to the ground to rip it away and he held his younger brother as they waited it out. Finally, he carried the exhausted teen to bed. Neither boy could believe that their parents were dead.

But they moved past it, past the death and got on with their lives. Clark was there when Jimmy graduated High school two years early and was beyond proud when he moved and became an M.E assistant as he went to college.

Team Gibbs and Dr. Mallard had no idea of Jimmy's different-ness. To them, his irrelevant statements and cruel untimely seeming jokes were just in bad taste and the way he would some times space out and just rock and twirl his pen, were just Jimmy-quirks. They didn't notice the autism and Jimmy liked it that way and he was fine.

Until he had a severe Meltdown at a crime scene...


	2. Chapter 2

The day started normal enough, he spent most of the morning in Autopsy with Dr. Mallard. It's when he had to run some test results up to the bullpen, that things got harrowing. Abby had made cookies for the team and had left some for Dr. Mallard and Jimmy to try. Jimmy would've been fine with it, he liked it when Abby baked. His issue was the fact that the cookies were covered in yellow frosting. Yellow...he detested yellow. He always had, yellow was bad. But he also didn't want to insult Abby, she was his friend. So he took a cookie, but he didn't eat it. He couldn't eat it, he could barely hold it in his hand. Why didn't they understand that yellow was bad!? But she just looked at him and his untouched cookie.

"Aren't you going to try it, Jimmy?"

She asked her eyes wide and doe like, he wanted to try it, he really did. But it was yellow! He couldn't eat something that was yellow! Tony raised an eyebrow as he looked at Jimmy, while McGee and Ziva just stared. Gibbs barely looked up from his papers, but when he did it was to glare at Jimmy. The young M.E assistant made to put the cookie down but Tony walked over and slung an arm around Jimmy's shoulders. The young man stiffened at the contact but Tony didn't seem to notice.

"Come on, Autopsy Gremlin! Abby made them special!"

Tony teased him, leaning on the M.E more than was necessary. Jimmy repressed the urge to leap away and run from the contact. Suddenly Gibbs stood from his desk and motioned for them to follow him out the door.

"Dead marine in a forest."

The rest of the agents hurried to grab their gear while Jimmy gratefully set the cookie down and ran to go get Dr. Mallard.

-TimeSkip-

Jimmy bent over the prone body of the dead marine, his hair was shaggy and yellow-wheat colored, the side of his head was spattered with blood. Clearly the entree wound of a bullet shot from only a short distance away. The exit wound was on the other side of the Marine's head, it was a clean shot, straight through the head of the victim. It was clearly shot by a skilled and seasoned sniper. Dr. Mallard was explaining their findings to Gibbs when several police cruisers pulled up and what must have been the local police force, got out.

The leader of the charge proceeded to walk over to Gibbs, flashing his badge to everyone in the general vicinity before he got there. While Jimmy and Dr. Mallard began to load their dead friend onto a stretcher and into the NCIS van. Apparently the police, because the body was found in their county, wanted to conduct the investigation themselves, while because it was a dead marine, it was NCIS' business and not their own. Gibbs telling them that fact, however allowed several screaming matches to arise.

Jimmy did try to focus on prepping the body, but the noises were just pounding in his ear drums and the yellow of the corpse's hair just kept flashing in his line of vision. He could feel the familiar feeling of a meltdown coming on, but he wasn't a child anymore, he wasn't going to have a meltdown. He wouldn't allow it. So Jimmy calmly walked away from the fray, to stand in the corner and whipped out his stimming pen. Then he began to do just that, twirling his pen in his fingers as he rocked back in his heels. Ignoring everything else as he tried to calm himself.

Nobody noticed, they were too involved with their own screaming matches to see the fact that Jimmy was slowly losing control. He needed control, he needed quiet, he needed there to be less yellow...he needed it to go away...he needed it to GO AWAY. But the M.E assistant just kept stimming and he probably would've ended up calming himself, except one of the younger police officers noticed Jimmy's stimming and he had to point it out, loudly.

"HEY! DOES NCIS LET RETARDS ON THEIR TEAM NOW?!"

The young officer yelled, startling everyone and prompting them to look at Jimmy who had froze in his stimming, desperately trying to breathe deeply and ignore the insults. He heard another voice yell something, it came from one of the NCIS agents so it was probably in his defense but he didn't care. It hurt, he needed them to shut up! Why wouldn't they shut up!? Then..the young officer did something that pushed Jimmy over the edge, he touched him on the shoulder.

His eyes squeezed shut, trying to keep everything out, trying to keep anything from reaching him. Warm tears welled up under his eyelids before sliding out and onto his face. His hands, clenched into fists, raised to the sides of his head and pressed down down down on his ears, in desperate attempt to get silence. His knees gave out under him and he just pressed harder. He didn't realize that he was curling himself into a ball, rocking and making a raw keening noise in the back of his throat.

Where was Clark?! Where was his big brother? Clark made everything alright! He needed Clark!

A half-choked scream escaped from Jimmy's lips as he bit down on them harshly. Then someone, he wasn't sure who, knelt beside him and slowly began to rub his back, trying to restrain and calm him. But that was the wrong thing to do, instantly Jimmy began to scream. This wasn't a play scream or a scared scream. This was pure, raw, blood-curdling pain. The young M.E assistant began ripping at his clothing and hair, he was half-aware of the fact that he crunched his glasses in his right hand and that there was blood pouring down his arm.

The next person who came over to help, knew what they were doing. That much was obvious when they did nothing to restrain Jimmy and the only time they moved was to avoid his flailing limbs. Instead they just calmly sat there, waiting it out and not letting him harm himself in the process. Until finally, Jimmy stopped and just lay curled into a little ball. That was when the person calmly turned him over and let him vomit into the grass. When Jimmy was finished the person, gently picked him up from the ground and carried him over to the group of horrified police officers, M.E and NCIS agents.

"What...was that?"

Tony whispered, still staring and gaping at Jimmy's limp form in shock. The young M.E assistant looked like crap, his hair was going everywhere, his glasses were destroyed, his clothes were ripped, there were bite marks all over his arms and there was a suspicious dark stain on his pants.

"An autistic meltdown, a severe one if I say so myself."

Said, the young looking officer who carried Jimmy over in his arms. He made sure to let Jimmy have his face covered from the daylight.

"My younger brother's autistic so I know the signs. He was probably just stimming over there to calm himself. Do you have somewhere back at your headquarters that he can sleep? And where he could get a change of clothes?"

The officer asked and Gibbs nodded mutely, walking forwards and opening his arms so the officer could safely deposit Jimmy in them. Ducky hurried over and ran a hand through his young assistant's curly locks, making sure that Jimmy hadn't hit his head too hard with his struggling.

"Wait, Jimmy is autistic?"

Ziva asked in confusion, looking at the young assistant in Gibbs' arms. McGee just nodded at her question, just as shocked as the Israeli. Gibbs then motioned for them to follow him as the police officers left. After that scene, they just figured it would be best if they just gave up and left.

"I think Jimmy should ride with us on the way back. McGee, you make sure Ducky doesn't get lost on the way. Ziva, you make sure that when we get back to NCIS, that you look up and print out as much information on Autism as you can find. Tony, you go find the kid some new clothes. And I'll take him down to sleep on the couch in Abby's lab."

Gibbs ordered quickly, every now and then looking down at the exhausted and completely drained young man in his arms.


	3. Chapter 3

_His throat hurt._

That was what registered first, when Jimmy managed to blink his eyes open and squint when the light hit them. He was still tired and lethargic, but he knew that he wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep, anyway. So he might as well get up. The young M.E assistant pushed himself up into a sitting position but swayed dizzily the moment he did so. He was waiting to collapse down on the couch he was on, but was surprised when no impact came. Jimmy looked up to see what had stopped him from slumping backwards and he couldn't stop the light blush from dusting over his cheeks.

He was only still partially upright, because of the four strong hands that had reached out to steady him. Hands that that belonged to a worried Tony and McGee. Jimmy's eyes widened instantly and several emotions flooded him at once, guilt...embarrassment ...shame...disgust. The young M.E assistant tried to lunge to his feet, only to be stopped by a gentle hand on his shoulder and a glass of water shoved into his line of sight.

Jimmy stared at the clear liquid blankly for a moment, before taking the glass in his own hand and sipping at it tentatively. The cold water slid down his throat soothingly and he closed his eyes, trying to ignore the concerned looks that were being shot in his direction. Finally, after the water, Jimmy's voice seemed to have returned and he gave a small.

"...Sorry..."

"Rule 6."

Tony whispered firmly and at Jimmy's mildly confused look, McGee explained the rule for him.

"Never say you're sorry. It's a sign of weakness."

McGee whispered stiffly and Jimmy smiled at the rule. Weaknesses...he sure had a lot of those. Apologizing just added a little more to that ever growing list. 'A real sign of weakness is having a meltdown in front of your friends.' Jimmy thought bitterly. Then when he saw the hurt and confused look on the two agents' faces, he paled. Had he just said that out loud?!

"That shouldn't be a weakness, Palmer."

McGee whispered softly and Tony chimed in as well, both agents looking at the young M.E assistant with matching expressions of hurt.

"Yeah, Autopsy Gremlin. You should've told us...at least told somebody."

Jimmy found himself bristling slightly at that comment. What if he had told them?! They would've treated him differently, he would've been more fragile, more breakable. That much more of a liability! He was already clumsy, directionless, Jimmy Palmer. Just add autism to the list and he'd be sacked for sure.

"What about that Rule 4, you guys have? The best way to keep a secret? Keep it to yourself. Second best? Tell one other person - if you must. There is no third best."

Jimmy whispered quietly as he got up from the couch and when he saw the concerned looks shot at him, he explained.

"I'm using the restroom."

-PlaceSkip-

"It makes sense, Gibbs."

Ziva David whispered as she looked at the papers in her hands. Several print outs from Aspergers related sites online. The similarities to Jimmy were so astounding that she was surprised that she hadn't seen them before. Maybe she, like the rest of Team Gibbs, hadn't wanted there to be something different about Jimmy. They just wanted him to be normal, he and Ducky were calm, little islands of normal in a sea of terrorist organizations, murders, kidnappings and a host of other things. But now, the calm, little island that was Jimmy Palmer wasn't so normal anymore. Still...she did wonder how she hadn't seen the signs.

'_They may be socially awkward...'_

All those jokes and comments the young M.E had made. They weren't just in bad taste, he really didn't understand how to react. That was why he had trouble not doing his job at a crime scene.

_'They may be proficient in knowing categories of information...'_

Jimmy seemed to always give them small facts of things they either didn't care about, or hadn't bothered to listen too.

_'...frequently have motor skill delays and may appear clumsy or awkward...'_

She couldn't even count how many times, Jimmy had tripped, stumbled or fallen while at a crime scene. He just seemed to be so unbalanced, so clumsy. Tony teased him about it quite a lot, were they teasing him about something he couldn't control?

_'Eccentric or repetitive behaviors...'_

That odd thing he'd been doing with a pen at the crime scene, the way he'd been rocking backwards on his heels. The officer who had helped the young M.E had called it something strange..stumping?...stemming?...stimming? Yes, that was it! He'd called it 'stimming'.

_'...blunt to a fault..'_

Oh yes, that was definitely Jimmy. Tony would joke almost constantly about Jimmy's lack of filter between his brain and mouth. Whatever Jimmy thought, he would say. Ziva felt her stomach clench in guilt, how many times had they glared at him or teased him about something that he had no control over?

Gibbs walked over and gently took the papers from her frozen hands, resting a comforting hand on her shoulder as he did so. When he spoke next, It was almost as if he could read her chain of thoughts.

"We didn't know."

Ziva looked at him with upset, yet guarded eyes. Before growling out a soft...

"But we should have."

-TimeSkip-

Jimmy knelt over the sink in the bathroom, splashing water in his face as he tried to think clearly with his glasses-less eyes bleary and unfocused. But even without seeing his reflection clearly, he knew he looked about as awful as he felt. If not worse. The bags under his eyes had bags of their own and the dark circles around his eyes could rival that of a raccoon. His naturally curly dark hair was sticking up in all directions, making him look even younger than he felt. Then his scowl only grew as he saw what he was wearing, a huge pair of gray sweat pants that completely covered his bare feet and an oversized red t-shirt that must've belonged to either Tony or McGee.

When the young M.E assistant squinted at his bare arms, he could see the fuzzy outlines of where his teeth had dug into his bare flesh. He sighed and reflexively tried to run his right hand through his hair, only to wince at the sharp stab of pain that accompanied the action. That was when he noticed the thick, white mitten of bandages that covered said hand. 'Well wasn't that just dandy.' He thought, frustration coating the edges.

All he wanted to do was go home and sleep in his room for another few hours. Was that too much to ask? Maybe if he called Clark, his older brother could get him out of this. The young man tugged his phone out of his pocket. (Some kind soul had put it in the horrid sweatpants.) and pressed the first number on his speed dial before resting the device against his ear.

"Hey, Jimmy. What's up?"

Usual Clark, always answering the phone when Jimmy called. The young man couldn't repress the relieved sigh that followed the sound of his older brother's voice. He was so relieved that he had to remind himself to answer.

"I had a meltdown at a crime scene."

Jimmy sighed, softly but he hoped that his older brother heard it. He really didn't want to repeat himself. It was embarrassing enough without having to repeat it a second time. When Clark's shocked and worried voice came over the line, Jimmy knew that his message had gotten across, loud and clear.

"At a crime scene?! How bad Jimmy?"

Jimmy bit his lip and tried to keep his voice from wavering, but it did anyway.

"Bad."

Clark's tone instantly lost its shock and it was replaced by even more concern and worry. Which made Jimmy feel even more guilty. What if Clark was driving? What if he caused him to crash?!

"Oh shit. Are you okay? Want me to come get you?"

Jimmy found himself nodding, before realizing that Clark couldn't see him over the phone and that he would have to ask verbally.

"I'm fine. Are you busy?"

He whispered and was relieved by Clark's next statement. It was horribly embarrassing, he was twenty two years old. He wasn't a needy little kid anymore. But for the life of him...he really wanted his big brother.

"Not overly...I'm on my way Jimmy."


End file.
